Who Am I Movement

Discovering Identity, Awakening Purpose

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  • When Old Wounds Still Speak: Understanding Emotional Triggers and Healing

    Have you ever reacted strongly to something and later wondered, “Why did that affect me so deeply?”
    A comment, a tone, or maybe a situation; small on the surface, yet overwhelming inside.

    Often, these moments are not about the present. They are echoes of old wounds that were never given space to heal. This is a very complex issue that we often deal with in therapy, so here we will just scratch the surface and you can dive deep with the reflection points and seek therapy.

    The Psychology of Emotional Triggers

    In psychology, emotional triggers are reactions that arise when a current situation touches an unresolved emotional wound from the past. These wounds are often formed through experiences of rejection, neglect, criticism, abandonment, or fear. Your mind may have moved on, but your nervous system remembers.

    Triggers are not signs of weakness. They are signals, reminders that something within you still needs care, safety, or understanding.

    Unhealed wounds don’t disappear with time; they repeat themselves until they are acknowledged; heard and given space.

    How Wounds Shape Identity

    When wounds remain unaddressed, they quietly shape identity. You may begin to see yourself as:

     Maybe “Too sensitive”, “Not feeling enough”, feeling “Unlovable”, “Always feel to be the problem”, “Responsible for everyone else’s emotions”, or feeling like your feelings don’t matter in the midst of everything.

    Over time, these beliefs become part of how you define yourself not because they are true, but because they were learned in moments of pain.

    Healing begins when we separate who we are from what happened to us.

    The Faith Perspective

    God does not dismiss wounds or rush healing.

    “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18

    God meets us in our pain, not after we’ve figured it out. He sees every wound even the ones we learned to hide well. Healing is not forgetting. Healing is allowing God’s truth to speak louder than the pain that shaped us.

    A Gentle Reminder

    Your reactions make sense in the context of your story.
    But they do not get to define your future.

    You are allowed to heal without explaining your pain to everyone.
    You are allowed to respond differently now that you know better.

    Reflection Questions

    1. What situations or words tend to trigger strong emotional reactions in you?
    2. Can you trace that reaction back to an earlier experience or belief?
    3. What would compassion toward yourself look like in those moments?

    Old wounds may still speak, but they no longer get the final word. Healing does not erase the past but it transforms how the past lives within you.

    This week, instead of judging your reactions, get curious about them. Ask gently: What is this trying to show me about myself?

    That question alone can begin the work of healing.

    Hambeleleni xx

  • Adaptive Functioning in the Face of Unexpected Life Changes

    Life has a way of reminding us how unpredictable it truly is. One moment everything feels organized and firmly in place, and the next, it’s as if the ground shifts beneath you and pieces of your life scatter in directions you never anticipated. Not all of it falls apart at once but enough does to leave you feeling off-balance.

    I’ve often described this season as having a blanket pulled out from under my feet. That feeling of sudden destabilization… it lingers. Just as one area begins to settle, another seems to unravel. It’s an ongoing cycle of adjusting, bracing, and trying again—a rhythm I didn’t choose, yet one I’m forced to move with.

    Uncertainty has a psychological weight. It chips away at one’s sense of identity and direction. I’ve lost parts of who I used to be, and the process of discovering the “new” parts of myself feels harder than I expected. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been as intentional about that search… or maybe the grief of what’s changed makes it difficult to welcome what’s emerging.

    And in moments like these, it becomes clearer why gratitude is so hard to access during difficult seasons. There is a subtle sense of betrayal, a feeling that life, which is meant to offer stability and predictability, has let me down. That tension between hope and disappointment is real.

    Yet I am also reminded that unpredictability doesn’t mean absence of order. There is a higher power, bigger than my plans, my losses, and my attempts at control, guiding things in ways I can’t always see. So, I’m choosing, day by day, to lean into faith and hold onto hope… even when my footing is still shaky.

    With hope,

    Hambeleleni

  • Becoming More of Yourself: Growth as Identity

    Change is often uncomfortable. It challenges what we know about ourselves and invites us into unfamiliar spaces. Yet, every stage of life; every challenge, loss, and lesson, shapes who we are becoming.

    Identity is not a destination. It is a journey of becoming.

    The Psychology of Growth and Identity

    Erik Erikson, a renowned developmental psychologist, described life as a series of stages where identity is constantly being shaped and reshaped. Each season of life presents new questions:

    • Who am I now that I’ve changed?
    • What do I truly value?
    • What am I ready to let go of?

    Growth requires both loss and renewal. As we evolve, old versions of ourselves fall away, not because they were wrong, but because they served their purpose. Real transformation happens when we make peace with the process.

    The Faith Perspective

    Faith teaches us that growth is not accidental, it is guided.

    “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 1:6

    God doesn’t rush the process. He is patient with our unfolding. Even when we feel like we’ve taken a step back, He is still writing something beautiful through our becoming.

    Transformation is not about becoming someone new; it’s about becoming more of who God already designed you to be.

    A Gentle Reminder

    Identity is not fixed. You are allowed to grow. You are allowed to evolve, to change your mind, to redefine what matters, and to outgrow what once fit.

    There is grace for every version of you.

    Reflection Questions

    1. What parts of yourself are you learning to embrace more fully right now?
    2. Is there a past version of you that you’re finally ready to release with gratitude?
    3. How can you trust God’s process of growth in this season of your life?

    Growth can be messy, slow, and even painful—but it is holy work. Every layer that falls away brings you closer to the truth of who you are.

    This week, give yourself permission to grow without apology. You are not behind, you are becoming.

    Hambeleleni xx

  • Identity and Self-Worth: Learning to See Your Value

    Todays’ topic is close to home, considering my current circumstances. About a year ago I had to give up formal work because of health issues. I initially didn’t think too much about it because I was primarily trying to deal with the health issue and most of my time, energy and resources and decisions were based on trying to find relief in any way possible. So about two months ago I started getting back to myself again and I found asking myself, what is happening, who am I? And what has become of me?

    We live in a world that constantly asks, “What do you do?” rather than, “Who are you?”
    From school grades to job titles, appearance, or possessions, we are taught to measure our worth by things that can be counted. Yet deep inside, we know — worth cannot be measured, it must be believed. Strangely I struggled with this because I am in the processing of changing my own narrative of who I am and how else to see my value despite the circumstances.

    The Psychology of Self-Worth

    Psychologists describe self-worth as the sense of one’s own value as a person. It’s different from self-esteem, which is often built on achievement or approval. True self-worth is quieter and deeper — it is knowing that you are enough, even when you fall short.

    When we tie our worth to what we produce, we start to live in constant performance mode. We strive, please, perfect, and overextend, hoping to feel “enough.” But that striving disconnects us from our identity; it makes love conditional — even toward ourselves. And in so many ways I feel this everyday. Now that I am not in “performance mode” what is left of me?

    Learning to separate who you are from what you do is one of the most liberating forms of healing. Unfortunately, we are often not accorded time to separate the 2 because of the world we live in and the expectations around us.

    The Faith Perspective

    God’s Word redefines value in a way the world never could:

    “You are precious and honored in my sight… and I love you.” — Isaiah 43:4

    Our worth is not something we earn. It is something spoken over us by the One who created us. Even when we fail, fall short, or feel unseen — that truth remains.

    Jesus didn’t die for our achievements; He died for our identity. Because to Him, we were always worth it.

    Remember:

    Your worth is not up for debate.
    It does not rise and fall with your productivity, your relationships, or your status.
    You are valuable simply because you exist — and because God calls you His.

    Reflection Questions

    1. What are the things or achievements you often link your worth to?
    2. How would it feel to know your worth is secure even without those things?
    3. What daily practice could help you remember your worth in God’s eyes?

    The more we remember who we are, the less we have to prove it.
    Worth is not something to fight for; it is something to rest in.

    This week, write down five things about yourself that are valuable — not because of what they achieve, but because of what they reveal about who you are.

    Hambeleleni x

  • When You Realize You Might Have Been The Problem

    There comes a quiet, sobering moment in self-reflection when the walls of blame fall, and we see ourselves clearly; not as victims of circumstance, but as participants in the dynamics that shaped our pain. It’s a moment that can feel like heartbreak and awakening at once. Realizing that you might have been the problem does not make you unworthy; it makes you human, self-aware, and ready for growth.

    In psychology, this moment marks a shift from external to internal locus of control — when we stop assigning responsibility outward and start examining the choices, beliefs, and defense mechanisms that led us to where we are. It is not about shame. It’s about ownership and the power to change.

    1. Pause and Feel Without Judgment

    The first reaction is often guilt or defensiveness. That’s normal. The ego resists discomfort because it’s wired to protect us from pain.
    Instead of rushing to fix or rationalize, sit with the discomfort. Breathe through it. Write about it. Cry if you must. Emotions are data, not directives — they reveal the parts of you that need understanding, not punishment.

    Reflection prompt:
    “What emotion comes up when I admit I might have contributed to the problem? What is this emotion trying to teach me?”

    2. Move from Blame to Compassionate Accountability

    Accountability without compassion becomes self-attack. Compassion without accountability becomes avoidance.
    The goal is balance — acknowledging what you did or failed to do while still holding yourself with care.

    Try reframing:

    • Instead of “I was terrible,” say, “I didn’t yet know how to handle that better.”
    • Instead of “I ruined everything,” say, “I made choices that didn’t serve me or others, but I can learn from them.”

    Reflection prompt:
    “What unmet need or fear was I trying to protect when I acted that way?”

    3. Identify Your Patterns, Not Just Events

    Lasting change requires pattern awareness. Ask:

    • Do I often withdraw when I feel criticized?
    • Do I seek validation in unhealthy ways?
    • Do I struggle to communicate directly?

    Psychologists call this meta-cognition — the ability to think about our thinking. Recognizing your repeated patterns helps you intervene earlier next time.

    Practical tool:
    Keep a “Pattern Journal.” Each time you react strongly to something, note:

    • What happened
    • How you felt
    • How you responded
    • What you might do differently next time

    4. Make Amends (When It’s Healthy and Possible)

    If your actions hurt others, consider sincere amends — not for redemption, but for integrity. This might mean an apology, changed behavior, or simply giving space to those you’ve hurt.
    But remember: not every person will be ready to receive your apology. Making peace with that is part of your healing, too.

    5. Create New Inner Agreements

    Once you’ve acknowledged the past, define who you choose to become now. Write it down as new inner commitments:

    • “I will pause before reacting.”
    • “I will speak my truth kindly.”
    • “I will take responsibility without collapsing into shame.”

    Small, consistent acts rebuild self-trust — the foundation of psychological growth.

    6. Seek Growth Support

    Transformation rarely happens in isolation.
    A therapist, spiritual mentor, or accountability partner can help you unpack deeper layers — like unresolved trauma, attachment wounds, or perfectionistic tendencies — that shape your behavior.

    7. Practice Grace as You Evolve

    Growth is not linear. You may relapse into old habits. You may feel regret again. That’s part of the process.
    Healing isn’t about becoming flawless; it’s about becoming conscious — and choosing differently, again and again.

    Realizing you were part of the problem is not the end of your story; it’s the turning point. It means the mirror of truth is working.
    Hold your reflection gently — for that’s where maturity, peace, and emotional freedom begin.

    Hambeleleni xx

  • Culture, Society, and the Weight of Expectations

    We are all shaped by the worlds we grow up in—our families, cultures, communities, and societies. From an early age, we are taught who we should be, what we should value, and how we should behave. These invisible scripts can give us a sense of belonging, but they can also become heavy when they no longer fit who we are becoming.

    Sometimes, we find ourselves living lives that look right to everyone else but feel wrong within us.

    The Psychology of Social Expectations

    Psychologists describe this as social conformity—the tendency to adjust our behaviour or beliefs to match those around us. It’s part of how we survive and connect as humans. But when conformity becomes chronic, it can disconnect us from our authentic selves.

    Culture can define what “success” looks like, how emotions should be expressed, or what roles we should play. Yet not all cultural messages align with who God created us to be. When identity is built solely around fitting in, it leaves little space for truth or individuality.

    The Faith Perspective

    The Bible gently reminds us of another way:

    “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” — Romans 12:2

    God calls us to live in the world, but not to be confined by it. He invites us to renew our minds—to let His truth shape our identity rather than the expectations of society.

    When we stop striving to meet every cultural demand, we begin to experience freedom. It’s not rebellion: it’s transformation.

    A Gentle Reminder

    You are more than the world’s labels.
    You are not defined by trends, traditions, or titles.
    You are defined by truth, love, and divine purpose.

    Reflection Questions

    1. What are some cultural or societal expectations that have shaped how you see yourself?
    2. Which of those expectations feel heavy or untrue to who you are?
    3. What would it mean to live from a place of inner truth rather than external pressure?

    The world will always have something to say about who you should be. But identity rooted in faith and self-awareness is steady—it grows with you, not against you.

    This week, pause and ask yourself: Am I conforming, or am I transforming?

    Hambeleleni x

  • Favorite thing to do

    Daily writing prompt
    What is your favorite hobby or pastime?
    View all responses

    Definitely reading or writing or discussing random topics. I like learning and hearing about new things and different perspectives.

  • When family changes, who do I become?

    Family is where identity first takes root. As children, we learn who we are through the eyes of our parents, siblings, and extended family. Later, we take on new roles—spouse, parent, caregiver, or even the “peacemaker” or the “strong one” of the family.

    These roles shape us, but what happens when family dynamics change?

    Just a little story about my experience with this: so, I grew up between my families right, meaning I shared my time equally between my maternal and paternal families. So, over the years I have developed different roles according to the needs of each family. I enjoyed it when I was young because each role gave me a different purpose. Fast forward to now, dynamics has drastically changed, and my roles have been challenged, and it has left me in a place of limbo hence the start of this specific movement. Roles have changed and I think I am struggling to adjust to that. Read on and tell me about your experiences below.

    The Psychology of Family Identity

    Psychologists talk about family systems—how each person plays a role within a living, breathing organism. When something shifts—through marriage, divorce, birth, loss, or even children growing up—the entire system changes. And so does our sense of self.

    • Marriage may transform how you see yourself as a partner.
    • Parenthood can completely redefine your identity.
    • Separation or divorce may leave you asking where you belong.
    • Losing a loved one may create an empty space that forces you to reimagine yourself.

    In these moments, it is normal to feel a sense of disorientation. You may grieve the old role while struggling to embrace the new one. Often times I have seen people not able to navigate through this change in the systems and they feel stuck you know. The movement is here to help you unpack some of these narratives so you gain your identity back and help you remember that identity shifts.

    The Faith Perspective

    While earthly families shift, one thing never changes: your place in God’s family.

    “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are.” (1 John 3:1)

    This truth reminds us that no matter how family roles change, we have an eternal identity as beloved children of God. Belonging to Him gives us stability when the ground beneath us feels unsteady.

    Family changes don’t erase who you are—they invite you to rediscover yourself. Each transition is not just a loss, but an opening to grow into new layers of your identity.

    Reflection Questions

    1. What is one family change you’ve experienced that reshaped who you are?
    2. Did it make you cling more tightly to a role, or did it free you to see yourself differently?
    3. How does remembering your place in God’s family bring you peace in times of transition?

    Family will always be part of our story, but it does not fully define us. Our identity is more than roles—it is rooted in love, grace, and growth.

    This week, I encourage you to reflect: When family changes, how am I being invited to become more of who God created me to be?

    Hambeleleni, x

  • The Healing Power of Connection

    Namibia has been shaken by rising cases of suicide in recent years. When these tragedies occur, conversations often circle around romantic relationship problems or financial struggles as the root causes. While these issues are undeniably painful and real, they are not the whole story. There is a deeper layer that we often overlook which is the role of our relationships and how we manage them. As humans we have so many connections with different people; which actually act as a resource but we overlook it in times of need.

    Human beings are wired for connection. From the earliest stages of life, our emotional wellbeing depends on the bonds we form with others. Healthy relationships act as buffers against stress, depression, and despair. They don’t erase life’s struggles, but they give us the strength to endure them. A trusted friend who listens without judgment, a sibling who checks in, or a partner who offers encouragement during hardship can mean the difference between hopelessness and resilience.

    Yet, in our society today, there is a growing culture of “cutting people off” at the first sign of conflict. While boundaries are important, abruptly severing ties without communication can deepen isolation and push people into loneliness, one of the strongest risk factors for suicide. Too often, people are left without the safe spaces they desperately need to process pain and feel understood.

    Healthy relationships are not about perfection. They are built on trust, respect, empathy, and the courage to talk through difficulties. Learning to communicate, to say “I am hurt” instead of withdrawing, or to ask, “Are you okay?” instead of assuming, can save lives. Often we return disconnection with silence. Conversations, even hard ones, keep doors open to connection and healing. Silence and sudden disconnection, on the other hand, can close those doors forever.

    At its core, mental health is not just an individual journey; it is a collective one. In a country battling an epidemic of loneliness, despair, and suicide, perhaps one of the most radical things we can do is to show up for each other. This means reaching out, fostering supportive ties, and resisting the temptation to isolate ourselves or others when things get tough.

    Yes, financial stress and relationship challenges are real contributors to mental distress. But how we respond to one another: with openness, with compassion, and with a willingness to hold space instead of cutting ties — can transform these struggles into survivable experiences.

    Healthy relationships may not solve every problem, but they offer something invaluable: a softer place to land. And in times like these, that can make all the difference between despair and hope.

    Hambeleleni xx

  • Getting back in Rhythm

    What are you doing this evening?

    As of this week, I am working on getting back to my evening routine. This means being more involved with the house chores and my evening routine with the children. Being away often disrupts me from their routine and it takes sometime to get back into that. So, I will be doing that.